Is school bullying protocol always the correct thing to follow?

Protocol noun pro·to·col \\\\\\\\ ˈprō-tə-ˌkȯl , -ˌkōl , -ˌkäl , -kəl \\\\\\\\: a : a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and procedure

Is protocol always the correct thing to follow? In most cases, yes. But in some cases, I think a case can be made that it’s ok to stretch the following of protocol. A conversation with a guidance counselor a while back proved this. She was telling me about a student that had been the victim of targeted aggression (bullying) and how furious the student’s mother was that the school wasn’t doing anything. (Typical parent response, by the way.) Here’s the convo: 

Me: What did you do? What action did the school take? 

Guidance Counselor (GC): We called the alleged offenders into the office and interviewed them. We reminded them about our school’s bullying policy and gave them each one day of in-school-suspension.

Me: Did that work? 

GC: No. It just created more animosity between all those kiddos involved. And, on top of that, now the ones who got in trouble hate me. They’re supposed to trust me as their counselor.

Me: What did they say when you interviewed them? 

GC: The usual. “We were just kidding.” “We didn’t mean it.” “{Victimized student} did stuff to us first.” It’s so hard to pin down what’s true and what’s not. 

Me: Why do you think that is? 

GC: Honestly? Because they’re not being taught. The focus of schools is punishing the offender and we’re leaving the victims out to dry. They need to be taught how to properly handle themselves in bad situations. And what’s worse, Chris, is that we tell them to run and tell an adult, but many adults are just as clueless as to how to actually help them. 

Me: So why was the student’s mother so furious?

GC: Because the usual solutions weren’t working to solve the problem. The mindset of everyone is all about stopping mean behavior, but they don’t talk about the fact that there will always be mean people and that the most important thing is to teach kids how to deal with those difficult people. Resilience isn’t anymore – parents aren’t teaching resilience anymore – and these kids are suffering because of it. They get their feelings hurt at the smallest things. Somebody’s got to teach them. Somebody’s got to help them.

Me: What did you do? What action did the school take? 

Guidance Counselor (GC): We called the alleged offenders into the office and interviewed them. We reminded them about our school’s bullying policy and gave them each one day of in-school-suspension.

Me: Did that work? 

GC: No. It just created more animosity between all those kiddos involved. And, on top of that, now the ones who got in trouble hate me. They’re supposed to trust me as their counselor.

Me: What did they say when you interviewed them? 

GC: The usual. “We were just kidding.” “We didn’t mean it.” “{Victimized student} did stuff to us first.” It’s so hard to pin down what’s true and what’s not. 

Me: Did you do anything to help the victimized student? 

GC: I gave her some tips. I told her she didn’t have to take the insults to heart. I even role played with her on how to interact with those other kids if they give her trouble again. I showed her how her reactions were actually making things worse. I showed her how resilience and a little respect could go a long way, even in the face of those who hate her.

Me: Why do you think that is? 

GC: Honestly? Because they’re not being taught. The focus of schools is punishing the offender and we’re leaving the victims out to dry. They need to be taught how to properly handle themselves in bad situations. And what’s worse, Chris, is that we tell them to run and tell an adult, but many adults are just as clueless as to how to actually help them. 

Me: So why was the student’s mother so furious?

GC: Because the usual solutions weren’t working to solve the problem. The mindset of everyone is all about stopping mean behavior, but they don’t talk about the fact that there will always be mean people and that the most important thing is to teach kids how to deal with those difficult people. Resilience isn’t anymore – parents aren’t teaching resilience anymore – and these kids are suffering because of it. They get their feelings hurt at the smallest things. Somebody’s got to teach them. Somebody’s got to help them.

Me: Why doesn’t the school do more for resilience, social emotional learning and how to help students deal with conflict? 

GC: I wish I knew. But, they are missing the obvious solution right in front of their faces. These policies are written by people who have little to no experience with kids, or who have been removed from the classroom environment for so long they have forgotten what kids need. They’re more worried about test scores and staying out of the news than anything else. But they’re missing the point that a kiddo can’t perform well on a test if they are having trouble dealing with their social emotional issues. 

Me: Have you gotten any backlash for your methods? 

GC: No. And honestly, I wouldn’t care if I did because I know I’m doing what’s best for the kiddos. I’m filling in the gaps where protocol is majorly lacking.

What happened to the targeted student?

This counselor knew that the standard bullying protocol was missing something. She knew what was right for her students; which is what she gets underpaid for, right? 

So what happened to the targeted student? She learned coping skills. She learned how to respond to her haters rather than react. Her haters saw that she wasn’t affected by their insults anymore. Mom isn’t furious, in fact she’s happy that the school finally did something right. 

The counselor? Just another day at the office. But thank goodness she took it upon herself to go above and beyond and teach the student psychologically proven methods; methods that the school overlooked in favor of a failing zero tolerance, discipline-only policy that leaves victims searching for answers and wondering who cares and who is listening. 

Sometimes we need to just say, “Protocol…shmotocol.”

About the Author: Chris Scheufele is one of the most sought-after youth speakers in the United States. He’s a comedian with a license to teach. With more than a decade in the classroom, Chris has developed clever interventions that resolve conflicts instantly and promote a culture of resilience.  He makes social emotional learning fun! His entertaining and educational programs have been recognized by educators nationwide, and have earned him several awards including “Teacher Of The Year”.