Simple Solutions to Stop Aggression
An often misunderstood form of aggression is “joking” behavior. Over time, a simple insult can grow into days or even years of comedic insults that drive kids crazy!
The following article is based on the SQUABBLES® Theory of Aggression & the Peace Sign Approach to stop bullying. Understand that the advice below is for those that try to hurt your feelings. If someone tries to hurt you physically it’s important to defend yourself, get away, and contact the authorities. Most aggression, though starts with a simply squabble that kids can learn to solve on their own.
Why do People Hurt Others?
Often people that hurt others feel hurt themselves. They feel like a victim. It may have nothing to do with you or they could have a reason for feeling hurt by you. Maybe you did something or said something. If you did, don’t be surprised when they act out and try to get even.
Hurting people when you’re hurt for some reason makes one believe that it will ease their pain. But two wrongs never make a right. Instead of retaliating, take a moment to ask “Are you mad at me?.” This lets you know if you may be a part of the problem.
How to Stop a Fight
Recently, I was on a flight to Orlando. It was a full plane, and the last seat left was the middle seat right beside me. As we got ready to leave, I I saw this man walking down the aisle. This man did not look like he was having the best day. In fact, he looked terrible! His hair was disheveled, clothes were thrown together. The man just looked out of sorts, and angry on top of that.
As I watch the man walk towards me, he becomes very upset when he realizes the middle seat next to me is the only one left. He tries ordering me to move to the center with a loud voice. When I kindly offer him the middle seat instead, he steps towards me and tries to start a fight.
Next he steps right up to my face, like he is going to punch me and begins yelling. Instead of fighting, I listened to what he was saying. It became obvious that I was dealing with a victim.
As the discussion progressed, I agreed that no one like a middle seat and that it has to be frustrating to know that they almost left without him. I told him I was sorry that he was having such a hard day. The key was to listen, empathize, and apologize.
Instead of escalating the situation, I helped him with his bags. Within minutes he apologized for his behavior and tried befriending me. A sincere apology was like water on his angry fire.
Why Victims are Dangerous
The scary thing about a victim is that they WANT to see you hurt. They don’t care if you are badly hurt or sometimes even killed. Hurting people, hurt people. They feel angry and want to take it out on you.
How do you stop somone who is trying to emotionally hurt you? De-escalate the situation by using a humble apology. Find something that you can apologize for and say “I’m sorry”.
Apologizing doesn’t guarantee that your aggressor or will like you or that they will stop. Remember though, it is VERY hard to continue being mean to someone who is humble, honest, and kind.
Ten Words to Resolve a Conflict
The next time someone is hurt by you remember these ten words…
Are you mad at me? I am sorry for that.