Host a speaker without the travel costs

How to Stop People Who Want to Hurt You

Simple Solutions to Stop Aggression

An often misunderstood form of aggression is “joking” behavior.  Over time, a simple insult can grow into days or even years of comedic insults that drive kids crazy!

The following article is based on the SQUABBLES® Theory of Aggression & the Peace Sign Approach to stop bullying.  Understand that the advice below is for those that try to hurt your feelings.  If someone tries to hurt you physically it’s important to defend yourself, get away, and contact the authorities.  Most aggression, though starts with a simply squabble that kids can learn to solve on their own.


Why do People Hurt squabbles hurting emojiOthers?

Often people that hurt others feel hurt themselves. They feel like a victim.  It may have nothing to do with you or they could have a reason for feeling hurt by you.  Maybe you did something or said something.  If you did, don’t be surprised when they act out and try to get even.

Hurting people when you’re hurt for some reason makes one believe that it will ease their pain. But two wrongs never make a right.   Instead of retaliating, take a moment to ask “Are you mad at me?.”  This lets you know if you may be a part of the problem.

How to Stop a Fight

Recently, I was on a flight to Orlando.  It was a full plane, and the last seat left was the middle seat right beside me.  As we got ready to leave, I I saw this man walking down the aisle. This man did not look like he was having the best day. In fact, he looked terrible!  His hair was disheveled, clothes were thrown together. The man just looked out of sorts, and angry on top of that.

As I watch the man walk towards me, he becomes very upset when he realizes the middle seat next to me is the only one left.  He tries ordering me to move to the center with a loud voice.  When I kindly offer him the middle seat instead, he steps towards me and tries to start a fight.

Next he steps right up to my face, like he is going to punch me and begins yelling.  Instead of fighting, I listened to what he was saying. It became obvious that I was dealing with a victim.

As the discussion progressed, I agreed that no one like a middle seat and that it has to be frustrating to know that they almost left without him.  I told him I was sorry that he was having such a hard day.  The key was to listen, empathize, and apologize.

Instead of escalating the situation, I helped him with his bags.  Within minutes he apologized for his behavior and tried befriending me.  A sincere apology was like water on his angry fire.

Why Victims are Dangerous

The scary thing about a victim is that they WANT to see you hurt.  They don’t care if you are badly hurt or sometimes even killed.  Hurting people, hurt people.  They feel angry and want to take it out on you.

How do you stop somone who is trying to emotionally hurt you? De-escalate the situation by using a humble apology.  Find something that you can apologize for and say “I’m sorry”.

Apologizing doesn’t guarantee that your aggressor or will like you or that they will stop.  Remember though, it is VERY hard to continue being mean to someone who is humble, honest, and kind.

Ten Words to Resolve a Conflict

The next time someone is hurt by you remember these ten words…
Are you mad at me?  I am sorry for that.

How to Stop Mean Joking Behavior

Simple Solutions to Stop Aggression

An often misunderstood form of aggression is “joking” behavior.  Over time, a simple insult can grow into days or even years of comedic insults that drive kids crazy!

The following article is based on the SQUABBLES® Theory of Aggression & the Peace Sign Approach to stop bullying.  Understand that the advice below is for humor-based behavior, whether you find it funny or not.  It isn’t intented to instruct you to handle behaviors that cause phsyical pain.  If a child is a target of a crime, like assault and battery, you should contact the authorities.  Like most aggression, the behavior starts as a simple squabble that kids can learn to resolve on their own.

How Humor Works

Humor works because it can be inclusive for a large group of people. Everybody likes a good laugh, and the class clown can normally deliver. Funny people that are witty, and good with jabs can make a lot of people laugh.

Unfortunately, it works because someone else is the butt of the joke. Humor is often at the expense of someone else. Whether it’s making fun of people that live in a certain area or follow a certain sports team, the joke is targeted towards something that makes them different.

People will laugh at a joke even it’s an insult towards somebody else. It’s not always a nice thing but it something that can bring a group of people together.


What Is Joking?

Joking is laughing and making fun at the expense of someone else. While it can be good-natured a lot of humor is violent at its core.SQUABBLES Joking Emoji

There’s a lot of different forms of joking, but a lot of it is based on insults. Normally the jokester target’s something that’s different about another person. Sexual orientation, weight, hair color, religion, anything and everything about a person can be turned into a joke.

Even if the joke used against a person isn’t true, it can still be said anyways. It isn’t always meant to harm. A lot of friends will insult each other in a good-natured joke.


How Do I Stop Mean Jokes?

If we want our kids to be resilient we should encourage them to come up with comebacks to different insults. That or learn how to take oneself less seriously.

People might think that’s not the healthiest way to deal with being the butt of a joke, but it shows inner strength. You take away the joker’s power but showing them that it doesn’t bother you. By learning to laugh at yourself you become stronger and are seen as a good sport.

After an assembly, a woman came up to me and said “You’re rocking that dad bod”. I didn’t know what to say, I thought about it for a second and then replied “yeah I know, it took me a long time girlfriend to install this insulation”

She laughed and said I was funny. That was the end of it.  My hair, my weight, is noticeable. But I don’t feel trapped by it. I plan to be funnier them then and turn the joke around.  The best way to handle joking is to laugh. If you want to get more advance, learn how to make a better joke.

How to Stop Mean Bothering Behavior

Simple Solutions to Stop Aggression

The most recognizable form of social aggression (or bullying) is bothering behavior.  If you search “bullying” on Google images, you’ll find clip art of large angry-looking kids holding scrawny kids in the air by their shirt.  While this is the stereotype, we must recognize that bothering behavior takes many forms.

The following article is based on the SQUABBLES® Theory of Aggression & the Peace Sign Approach to stop bullying.  Understand that the advice below is for behavior, aimed at hurting someone’s feelings and annoying physical behavior that doesn’t cause pain (like poking and pushing).  If a child is a target of a crime, like assault and battery, ignore this advice and treat it as the crime that it is.  Remember though, that most behaviors are simply social conflicts that students can learn to resolve on their own.

What is Bothering?

Bothering is defined as behavior aimed at seeking to psychologically dominate or control someone else.  SQUABBLES Bother Emoji
This behavior may be verbal or non-verbal, direct or indirect.

Examples of bothering are name-calling, rumors, and shoving.

The Solution for Bothering

To stop bothering, the target of aggression must demonstrate that they are unfazed by their aggressor’s attempt to emotionally disturb them.

If the target gets upset, they lose.  This emotional disturbance reinforces to the aggressor that their rude behavior is working.  If the target gets upset, the behavior will continue, and often get worse.  When a child is being bothered I teach them this…

“The upset you get, the more fun they have.  The more fun they have, the meaner they are.  The meaner they are, the more upset you get”.

The only way to stop bothering is to teach a child how to not easily be bothered.  We cannot stop someone from bothering them but we can teach them how to be emotionally resilient.  Those that aren’t easily frustrated are no fun to bother.  In fact, if you try, you look very foolish.  They can stop your mean gestures with little effort by remaining calm and kind.

I teach…
“Be Calm.  Be Kind.  Don’t get upset and treat your enemy like a friend.”

For additional resources on this approach, view the many products for students, parents, and educators in my online store.  They all teach this approach in a way that is empowering, and fun to learn.