Simple Solutions to Stop Aggression

An often misunderstood form of aggression is “joking” behavior.  Over time, a simple insult can grow into days or even years of comedic insults that drive kids crazy!

The following article is based on the SQUABBLES® Theory of Aggression & the Peace Sign Approach to stop bullying.  Understand that the advice below is for humor-based behavior, whether you find it funny or not.  It isn’t intented to instruct you to handle behaviors that cause phsyical pain.  If a child is a target of a crime, like assault and battery, you should contact the authorities.  Like most aggression, the behavior starts as a simple squabble that kids can learn to resolve on their own.

How Humor Works

Humor works because it can be inclusive for a large group of people. Everybody likes a good laugh, and the class clown can normally deliver. Funny people that are witty, and good with jabs can make a lot of people laugh.

Unfortunately, it works because someone else is the butt of the joke. Humor is often at the expense of someone else. Whether it’s making fun of people that live in a certain area or follow a certain sports team, the joke is targeted towards something that makes them different.

People will laugh at a joke even it’s an insult towards somebody else. It’s not always a nice thing but it something that can bring a group of people together.

What Is Joking?

Joking is laughing and making fun at the expense of someone else. While it can be good-natured a lot of humor is violent at its core.

There’s a lot of different forms of joking, but a lot of it is based on insults. Normally the jokester target’s something that’s different about another person. Sexual orientation, weight, hair color, religion, anything and everything about a person can be turned into a joke.

Even if the joke used against a person isn’t true, it can still be said anyways. It isn’t always meant to harm. A lot of friends will insult each other in a good-natured joke.

How Do I Stop Mean Jokes?

If we want our kids to be resilient we should encourage them to come up with comebacks to different insults. That or learn how to take oneself less seriously.

People might think that’s not the healthiest way to deal with being the butt of a joke, but it shows inner strength. You take away the joker’s power but showing them that it doesn’t bother you. By learning to laugh at yourself you become stronger and are seen as a good sport.

After an assembly, a woman came up to me and said “You’re rocking that dad bod”. I didn’t know what to say, I thought about it for a second and then replied “yeah I know, it took me a long time girlfriend to install this insulation”

She laughed and said I was funny. That was the end of it.  My hair, my weight, is noticeable. But I don’t feel trapped by it. I plan to be funnier them then and turn the joke around.  The best way to handle joking is to laugh. If you want to get more advance, learn how to make a better joke.

Simple Solutions to Stop Aggression

The most recognizable form of social aggression (or bullying) is bothering behavior.  If you search “bullying” on Google images, you’ll find clip art of large angry-looking kids holding scrawny kids in the air by their shirt.  While this is the stereotype, we must recognize that bothering behavior takes many forms.

The following article is based on the SQUABBLES® Theory of Aggression & the Peace Sign Approach to stop bullying.  Understand that the advice below is for behavior, aimed at hurting someone’s feelings and annoying physical behavior that doesn’t cause pain (like poking and pushing).  If a child is a target of a crime, like assault and battery, ignore this advice and treat it as the crime that it is.  Remember though, that most behaviors are simply social conflicts that students can learn to resolve on their own.

What is Bothering?

Bothering is defined as behavior aimed at seeking to psychologically dominate or control someone else. 
This behavior may be verbal or non-verbal, direct or indirect.

Examples of bothering are name-calling, rumors, and shoving.

The Solution for Bothering

To stop bothering, the target of aggression must demonstrate that they are unfazed by their aggressor’s attempt to emotionally disturb them.

If the target gets upset, they lose.  This emotional disturbance reinforces to the aggressor that their rude behavior is working.  If the target gets upset, the behavior will continue, and often get worse.  When a child is being bothered I teach them this…

“The upset you get, the more fun they have.  The more fun they have, the meaner they are.  The meaner they are, the more upset you get”.

The only way to stop bothering is to teach a child how to not easily be bothered.  We cannot stop someone from bothering them but we can teach them how to be emotionally resilient.  Those that aren’t easily frustrated are no fun to bother.  In fact, if you try, you look very foolish.  They can stop your mean gestures with little effort by remaining calm and kind.

I teach…
“Be Calm.  Be Kind.  Don’t get upset and treat your enemy like a friend.”

For additional resources on this approach, view the many products for students, parents, and educators in my online store.  They all teach this approach in a way that is empowering, and fun to learn.